Do you ever have the feeling that God is trying to tell you something?
I do. All the time I do! And this last week it seems that He has been trying to teach me about relying on Him. You see, I am a waiter. I've been waiting tables for 2 years now, and I'd like to think that I'm ok at the job. Not as great as I would like to be, but still, ok. Anyways, the other day I was waiting tables and I had a great day! I was on fire, moving quickly from table to table and never making a mistake, bringing things even before my customers asked for them. And I thought to myself "I'm gonna make some money tonight!!!" And you know what? I did. Emphasis on the "some", not on the "money". Really, I made less than I do in a typical night, and I couldn't understand it.
The next night I was working again, and that night I was doing terribly! I dropped some food, I messed up more than one order, and I was moving so slowly it hurt to watch. Not a great night. And I thought to myself, "Man, I messed that up. Where am I going to find the money to pay those bills now?" But a funny thing happened. Even though I messed up, and even though I had fewer tables, I still somehow manged to make almost twice as much as the night before. I couldn't understand it! It was like the amount I work, and the skills I have count for nothing in the grand scheme of things!
Click!
Oh. That's right. I can't do it all myself. I can't make everything work out in the end because I am just Human. The truth is one of the many messages that the Bible puts forth to us is this very idea. Time and again God has shown humanity that when we try to do things on our own, we fall short. It is only when we rely on God to provide for our needs, physical, spiritual, or whatever kind, that we get that which we need. In terms of salvation, we can't save ourselves. No amount of good-deeding and Bible-reading is going to save us. Jesus saves us. Has already done so, really.
What this means for me practically in the future is this. I will be going on a trip across the country this Fall, looking for potential partners in my mission work in PNG. People who will go with me, People and Churches who will pray for me, and people and Churches who will be willing to make my going possible. I can't do it on my own. No matter how many tables I wait I won't be able to move to PNG on my own power. And so, this trip will be my way of showing that I rely on God. And on His people. Please, if anyone has any suggestions as to where I should go, let me know. And if you have a house for me to stay in while I'm there, even better.
But now, it is time for bed. God bless, and good night.